What Matters Most

Thursday, February 12, 2009
Breadmaking today with Sam was a rewarding experience. I pulled out The Tassajara Bread Book my mother-in-law Susan loaned me and together, Sam and I kneaded four loaves of 100% whole wheat bread. Samuel was better than me at kneading, and his loaves were much smoother than mine. He was actually a big help to me during the process, because he kneaded two of the four lumps of bread dough. His little hands are much stronger than my hands and wrists, which suffer from carpal tunnel. Together we kneaded our dough; it was a pleasant afternoon. For the first time ever, Juniper slept for more than two hours, so we had a rare afternoon with just the two of us. It made me miss the days when it was just the two of us, although I wouldn't trade Miss Juniper for the world (and that goes without saying). Sam's going to be my breadmaking helper in the future, and together, I hope we'll make good and healthy loaves of bread for our family.

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I woke up this morning and made a conscious decision to look forward. This is hard to do, and has been a process since the announcement that Landon would be laid off, but now that the final decision has been made, there is comfort and security once again in knowing at least part of the plan: Landon will be leaving his job in two months and we have enough of a severance payout coming to hopefully get us through to his next job. I'm not sure what that will be or how long it will take to find, but I have a lot of confidence in Landon and his abilities. The next job might not be as good or even ideal, but in this economy, anything to get us through for awhile will be better than nothing at all. Finding employment might require moving, but we're hoping it doesn't come to that. I'm taking this one day at a time and trying as hard as possible to focus on what really matters. I think that's why making bread with Sam today meant so much, because the past week has been an emotional roller coaster full of anxiety, sadness, and panic, all of which pulled me away from my kids, and looking back, all that I put myself through wasn't worth it in the end as the entire situation was (and still is) out of my hands. It's hard to imagine, but I really do hope good things come out of all this for everyone in Landon's office, who I think of as family after eight years of Landon working there. I don't know what lies ahead, but in the meantime, I plan to make a conscious choice to focus on the joy and beauty to be found in each day, and the happiness Sam, Juni, Landon and all the other people I care about bring to me. In reality, nothing else really matters. Not really.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very positive outlook, Karli! I'm proud of you! Finding happiness in the small things (esp children) make all the other stuff fade to the background! We love you!
Shelly

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you got to have some time of joy and like Shelly I am very proud of you for making the decision to look forward. I know how hard and scary that can be. It won't be easy, but we will all be there for you!

Love,
Amy

Claudia said...

I am glad that you had such an enjoyable time with Sammy boy!! You will remember it in years to come! I was just looking at some pictures from Christmas with Dad tonight and little Juniper was so cute!
You're right ~~ the only thing that really matters is the family and their safty.
I'm glad that you are in a better frame of mind Karli and I will still pray that Landon will find a job soon after he is done at this present one.
Love you very, very much!!
Mom

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