Collision

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Saturday night, downtown Portland
golden leaves fill the streets.
Orange lights dangle from tree branches
I pass quickly by trendy stores like Bee and Thistle
and yuppie garden store Dig as I walk to my destination.
A chilling October breeze whips through my hair
and my coat, sending a chill down my spine.
I think back to a time when I walked these park blocks
thinking of thematic elements and je ne sais quoi.
Energy everywhere, couples enthusiastically holding hands,
rushing to their Saturday evening plans, completely absorbed in each other.
I remember spending Saturday evenings with Landon,
just like that.
Feel antithetical.
Can't stop wondering if my Juni-daughter is still crying.
Pass by three adults making their beds on the stone cold sidewalk.
A bitter cold October night it will be and no one should spend it curbside.
I arrive at Life of Riley thinking of the crying baby
I left at home with my dear, dear husband and search for my friend as I enter
the front door, where seemingly every soul drops conversation
to look at me, wonder if I'm single, who I am, if I might be the friend they're waiting for.
I pass hastily to the basement, where I greet my friend.
Tell him how I'll miss him and Portland won't be the same.
Breathe in air heavy with cigarette smoke and wonder if I'll have time to
take a shower when I get home before Juniper wakes up.
I don't want her to smell cigarette smoke on her Mama.
I drink an IPA and no, I don't want to leave my tab open
(there was a day when I always left my tab open).
Listen to cute problems like whether or not
such and such should move to such and such place
with a boyfriend three months in the works.
Quit a job, drop it all, leave. Hmmm, cute problem.
Listen to chatter about how so and so once had a crush
on so and so but never got so lucky. Hmmm.
Tell Miss Cute Problem to move with three month boyfriend
because one day, when she has a couple of little ones
(she laughs and I wonder if she's ever thought of the possibility of little ones)
she'll be glad to have memories of dropping it all for love
that one time, for that one person so long ago
when she's up to her elbows in strawberry jam
and thinking of installing a clothesline.
It's the collision of two worlds on this Saturday October night . . .
and I think I might have whiplash.


3 comments:

Andrea said...

Amazing writing Karli...

The Ferriter Family said...

I'm all smiles...beautiful.

Annagrace said...

Amazing. You are brilliant.

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