The Friend I Want to Be

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I'm starting to feel like the kind of friend I never wanted to be--the friend you can't count on. I know that isn't who I am, but my actions lately have proved me to be that person. I've had to cancel plans with friends a lot lately and I don't like that. I'd rather not make the plans in the first place. I'm starting to feel afraid to make plans at all, because lately, things come up with the kids or get stressful and before I know it, I've canceled, then feel like one big, undependable flake! A few months ago I actually pulled a no-show unintentionally on my friend Jen, and after berating myself and promising her I'd never do that again, we made plans for the following day, and it wasn't until dinner was on the table the following evening that I realized I had stood her up again. This is actually a true story and one that hurts me to write about as it's so unbelievable that I could be capable of doing that when she is actually an important person in my life that I care a lot about! I know she understood, but it still happened, and that's the sort of thing I never thought I'd find myself doing and I certainly have zero tolerance for in myself. It's just not okay, and not the friend I want to be. I've always thought of myself as someone my friends could depend on, but these days, I can't even depend on myself anymore to be the kind of friend that I've always strived to be. It shouldn't matter that I have two little kids right now. I have to find a way to be a better friend. I might lose my sanity sometimes, but I can't lose my dependability. That's who I've always been, and that's who I always want to be.


Anonymous said...

Karli, I so identified with this post. I often feel the same as I'm trying to juggle being a mom of two little ones and still be a good wife, daughter, friend. We have to give ourselves a break, though. True friends understand. Did you know that there is actually something called "Momnesia"? I just heard about it--and there's a reason we moms forget things. You are doing the best you can (and a GREAT job at being Sam and Juni's mom.) So remember to give yourself a break and be a good friend to YOURSELF first. --Stefanie

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