Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Meet the Barnwells (1993)
*a poem by Karli Ann Kuhn*

First in the family comes Sam George Barnwell,
His body is always giving off smells-
He talks in his sleep about whippings and coons,
and about how much he wants to be like Daniel Boone.
Next comes Alma, Sam's wife, the poor thing,
The day they got hitched, he forgot to buy the ring.
Alma's always eating food, so her body is real fat,
The bed would break, so she sleeps on a mat.
Their first child was named Alexander Shawnee,
He's either being whipped or hiding in some tree.
His middle name, Shawnee, comes from Sam's Uncle Tom
Whose wife was killed by playing with bombs.
The rest of the kids were all born girls,
First comes the freckled, red-head named Pearl.
Pearl walks in a daze, or a trance you might say,
She hasn't talked yet, that will be the day!
The next is Laurie Jane, she can't even walk,
Alma stuck her in a highchair since the day she could talk.
Poor Laurie Jane, it's sad, but it's true,
and all because her body grew.
The highchair fits so tight around her body
She can't even get up to go to the poddy.
The last in the family is little Maybelle,
The Barnwells can tell you how she jumps in the well
She stays there from morning, till evening's sunset,
She likes to be always constantly wet.
Most folks stay clear of the Barnwell homestead
Little Tommie Harris saw Alexander's butt fire red.
The family is weird, I'm sorry it's true
I just thought it'd be nice to warn you.

THE END

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